Aviation Wisdom

This item was posted on the Yahoo Group FACNET by Jim Wilkes, call sign BILK 24

Ken

• Never trade luck for skill.
• The three most common expressions in aviation are,  "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Shit!"
• Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
• Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
• In aviation, gravity is a law not subject to repeal.
• Airspeed, altitude or brains: two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
• A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
• I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
• Will Rogers never met a fighter pilot.
• We have a perfect record in aviation: we never left one up there!
• If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and unsafe.
• Federal Aviation Regulations are written by lawyers to promote violations and lawsuits.
• Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.
• Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.
• Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it.
• An accident investigation attempts to place blame on the hapless for brief lapses.
• To err is human; to forgive divine - neither of which is FAA policy.
• When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

 Robert Livingston, 'Flying The Aeronca

"The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire."

 Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, sometime before his death in the 1920's.

"If you can't afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can afford to do it wrong. " 

Charlie Nelson

"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day. "

 Layton A. Bennett

"I hope you either take up parachute jumping or stay out of single motored airplanes at night. " 

Charles A. Lindbergh to Wiley Post, 1931

"Never fly the 'A' model of anything."

Ed Thompson

"Keep thy airspeed up, lest the earth come from below and smite thee."

 William Kershner

" When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible.  "

 Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II

"Always keep an 'out' in your hip pocket. " 

Bevo Howard

 "The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." 

Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

 "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. " 

Jon McBride, astronaut

 "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. "

Bob Hoover

 "If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; Ride the bastard down.  " 

Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

 "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I Am At 80,000 Feet and Climbing. " 

Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena AB Okinawa

 "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. "

 Paul F Crickmore

 "The emergencies you train for almost never happen; It's the one you can't train for that kills you. " 

Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

"If you want to grow old as a pilot, you've got to know when to push it, and when to back off.  " 

Chuck Yeager

 "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.  " 

Richard Herman Jr., 'Firebreak'

 "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.  " 

Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970. (It was still there in 1972.)

 "The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and good bowel  movement; The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. "

 Unknown

 "Now  I know what a dog feels like watching TV."

A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320:

It only takes two things to fly:--- airspeed and money.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?; If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies. 

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground. 

A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

I give that landing a 9… on the Richter scale.

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.  It is much more difficult to fly there.