Pleas of the 174x
I tore this page out of Interceptor and held onto it for years. For those who don't know a 174x was the AFSC for officer type Weapons Controllers. Although slanted towards a stateside environment, I always really liked this. As webmaster, it's my perogative to put things that I like or think are cool so here goes.
From Interceptor, circa 1967
Pity the poor Director for his troubles are many and the transgressions against him number in the thousands yea, even into millions. Therefore, show mercy unto him for he is sorely tried. He acteth as guardian angel to poor misguided birdmen and bewildered Colonels. In return he receiveth harsh words, unkind looks and hath all kinds of evil happenings bestowed upon him. His every act is guided by the manual called 3-16 and should he transgress there from, even to the extend of, lo, one misapplied portion of phraseology, all hands revile him and make light of the times he has been right.
Therefore, I say unto you, honor the poor Director and heed well these ten pleas, that thy days may be fruitful and long in the sky.
1. When the Director sayeth unto thee with the voice of urgency, “Skip it, break it off,” go thou with the greatest expediency and without argument lest thou find thy nose making merry with thy fellow birdman’s empennage, for the Director seeth things which thou cannot, yea, even into thy wildest dreams.
2. Should the voice from the air, which is the Director’s, clear thee for a low level attack, go thou like the wind, for perchance there is a machine of flight right behind you which planneth to use the very air upon which thou sitteth in very short while, yea, even unto seconds.
3. When thou hearest the words from the little black box saying, “Eyeball”, beseech thou him not from thy lofty position to change his decision, for lo, had not the Great Computer crumped, the words would not have been spoken: for he hath the heart of a lion and the cunning of a fox.
4. When they clearance is on SAC, stay ye from the proximity of thy evil brothers, for lo, the poor Director is sorely tried to explain to the Sector Commander the presence of near misses.
5. Watch thou closely for all civilian air machines, for the are numerous and their actions unpredictable, even as the whirlwind. Treat them with fear and respect while flying, lest they charge upon the, for their driers may be uninstructed in the ways of the birdman.
6. Believeth the poor Director when he sayeth unto the, “The filed is below minimums”, for perchance the weather people are right. If thou disregardeth his every message, thou shalt go posthaste to your alternate, should thou miss thy approach. Plan thy fuel well, for the Sector Commander judgeth harsh penalties against Directors and birdmen with bent birds.
7. Speak to him with a voice of honey. Use him as a brother lest he become excited, lose thus his wits, and giveth they thy pigeons home, for lo, he loveth a calm and courteous pilot above all else.
8. Asketh for instructions in a voice that is calm and clear so treat the Director will understand thy every word: confuseth him not lest he turn the port while thy target is starboard. Refraineth from the phrase D.E. for lo, he may know not what he doeth and it is thy head which is up and locked.
9. Bendeth ye not the regulations set forth by the Great SAGE Actor, known to all as the DO. He raiseth mighty havoc with Directors that transgress against him. We beseech ye not to changeth thy mind in mid-flight and believeth not that we can readeth thy minds, for lo, we are only mortal souls, even as thee and me.
10. When thou debriefest thy Director, speak not him as one of your own, for lo, he detesteh the words “stupid ass”. He has not the ability to maketh your radar see nor to maketh your Dolly sweet. Pity thou the poor Director who sitteth in the Puzzle Palace and reapeth only the animosity heaped against him. Above all else, Judgeth him fairly, for turnabout is swift and the ways of ADC are unpredictable.